So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The uberlube is also flammable
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
