bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
