its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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