Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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