She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She told me I should be a condom model.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
