I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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