so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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