I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
