The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
