My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
barbara walters just said penis...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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