we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
