I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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