...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
