yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
