Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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