How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
