6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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