ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
