If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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