Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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