Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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