i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
