THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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