I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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