1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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