So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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