Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Do you remember whose house we're in?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
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