I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
