I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
