just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
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