4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
In America we eat man semen.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
