I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
