i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
