he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
