she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
