Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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