ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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