You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
