I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
