the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
