lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
