have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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