those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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