didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
