Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
