Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's just like the Real World with babies
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
