I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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