Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
