"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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