2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
